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crossroads
Oct. 14th, 2008 | 08:03 pm
so, i am currently at a crossroads in my life right now.
i'm deciding on whether or not i want to go to the academy of art university in san fran next fall
or stay at grossmont.
i mean, i've always known and saw myself doing something creative with my life...because thats what makes me happy but at the same time i'm not willing to give up getting my g.ed and transferring to davis to get a degree in vet. technician.
its either photography/ interior architectural design or vet. technician.
i'm not ready to leave home yet, but at the same time i am.
what to do?
i'm deciding on whether or not i want to go to the academy of art university in san fran next fall
or stay at grossmont.
i mean, i've always known and saw myself doing something creative with my life...because thats what makes me happy but at the same time i'm not willing to give up getting my g.ed and transferring to davis to get a degree in vet. technician.
its either photography/ interior architectural design or vet. technician.
i'm not ready to leave home yet, but at the same time i am.
what to do?
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fucking being a douchebag writer
Aug. 1st, 2008 | 10:26 pm
mood: 
amused
i'm seriously considering studying animal care and becoming a vet.
i know i have a way with animals, and people tell me non-stop that i should be a vet; but i never took their word into consideration.
my ignorance always led me to follow an empty dream, a dream where thinking and hoping to become a writer never fully satisfied me.
aw, well.
i really have 2 years to decide.
so tomorrow after work i'm going to register for my classes.
:)
i know i have a way with animals, and people tell me non-stop that i should be a vet; but i never took their word into consideration.
my ignorance always led me to follow an empty dream, a dream where thinking and hoping to become a writer never fully satisfied me.
aw, well.
i really have 2 years to decide.
so tomorrow after work i'm going to register for my classes.
:)
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this is our decision: to live fast and die young
Jul. 31st, 2008 | 06:33 pm
mood: cheerful
fuck, this.
i'm sooo confused.
my brother isn't helping and i'm basically alone confused in my own little mind.
i need gloria.
shes the one i turn to for all my questions.
so basically, i'm trying to register for my math and foreign language class;but.... dumb little me can't seem to even do that.
( i figured that because the english class i need isn't going to challenge me in anyway possible, i'm going to bitch and moan to a counselor and try to persuade them to change it.) that bitch better :)
i came to the conclusion, that old creepy mexican guys that try to hit on me and call me "beautiful" every god damn chance they get isn't going to win me over. hell bitch, i'm not going to to make your fucking sundae any faster & i'm not going to bump your ticket in the front of the line so your little ass can get your deserts first.;thus insuring that you have more money in your pocket and a pleased customer.
uh please bitch! get a real job your douche-fuck. by sucking up to me, i'm just going to take my time just to try to piss you off, because all in all thats what i was meant to do in life :)
but something good did happen today... chef gave me a pay raise from $9.00 a hour to $11.14.,
holy vaginal disease! ballin'? i think so!
so thats basically almost $90 dollars a day?( tax already deducted).
what can you say? i'm a pretty pleased worker...though most of my money is going to go to paying for classes.
by the way, i need to revamp my room.
i'm thinking about going to thrift stores and go furniture shopping.
i've always wanted some groovy 70's furniture.
modern meets 70'a?
i think that would be a nice touch.
i'm sooo confused.
my brother isn't helping and i'm basically alone confused in my own little mind.
i need gloria.
shes the one i turn to for all my questions.
so basically, i'm trying to register for my math and foreign language class;but.... dumb little me can't seem to even do that.
( i figured that because the english class i need isn't going to challenge me in anyway possible, i'm going to bitch and moan to a counselor and try to persuade them to change it.) that bitch better :)
i came to the conclusion, that old creepy mexican guys that try to hit on me and call me "beautiful" every god damn chance they get isn't going to win me over. hell bitch, i'm not going to to make your fucking sundae any faster & i'm not going to bump your ticket in the front of the line so your little ass can get your deserts first.;thus insuring that you have more money in your pocket and a pleased customer.
uh please bitch! get a real job your douche-fuck. by sucking up to me, i'm just going to take my time just to try to piss you off, because all in all thats what i was meant to do in life :)
but something good did happen today... chef gave me a pay raise from $9.00 a hour to $11.14.,
holy vaginal disease! ballin'? i think so!
so thats basically almost $90 dollars a day?( tax already deducted).
what can you say? i'm a pretty pleased worker...though most of my money is going to go to paying for classes.
by the way, i need to revamp my room.
i'm thinking about going to thrift stores and go furniture shopping.
i've always wanted some groovy 70's furniture.
modern meets 70'a?
i think that would be a nice touch.
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out of complete boredom
Jul. 21st, 2008 | 08:15 pm
mood: 
melancholy
i feel as if i'm in a bubble standing in the middle of a busy street, but the world is passing me by not even paying the slightest bit of attention to the weirdo.
i swear to god i'm losing my sanity in that hell hole & my life is slowly but surely depleting.
with all this confusion and frustration i just want to get out.
on a lighter note...isn't cookie cute?
i swear to god i'm losing my sanity in that hell hole & my life is slowly but surely depleting.
with all this confusion and frustration i just want to get out.
on a lighter note...isn't cookie cute?
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scholarships
Jul. 14th, 2008 | 09:40 pm
mood: 
stressed
so this is my conclusion... scholarships are a pain. especially if you have to write an essay. i just wish it was as easy as filling out a simple application and they pick your name out of a hat. but then again, there are some people out there who deserve it more. gosh, i just wish things were easy sometimes. the scholarship i'm working on is in no means easy. i mean, i have to write an essay discussing the most important issue i would address if i was the president of the united states, not only is this called for... but i have use sources and inform the reader on the positive affect it would have on the citizens of the usa. so what was my topic you may ask? simple... the economy. i mean with our depleting economic status and unstable prices, the economy is the most important issue thats needs to be presented to the table.
you best believe, come fall, i will be glued to the tv watching the political debate between john mccain and barack obama ( go obama!) and i will be watching closely ( with both ears wide open) & taking notes on how the hope to boost our economy.
lets just hope i get the right inspiration to finish this scholarship essay.
god knows i need this $4,000 when i transfer in 2 years.
btw....brown and uc berkley is what i'm shooting for :)
you best believe, come fall, i will be glued to the tv watching the political debate between john mccain and barack obama ( go obama!) and i will be watching closely ( with both ears wide open) & taking notes on how the hope to boost our economy.
lets just hope i get the right inspiration to finish this scholarship essay.
god knows i need this $4,000 when i transfer in 2 years.
btw....brown and uc berkley is what i'm shooting for :)
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the fire breathing dragon is a live!!!
Jul. 9th, 2008 | 12:11 am
mood: 
bitchy
here i am again, writing yet another journal entry because boredom has led me to sit my ass in front of the computer screen and type away while my fingers feel the repercussions of my boredom ( hm what a joyous thing boredom is...right? not!)
so i must write this before i explode, or before my mind is spun into a crazy vortex... you know ones that you see in those futuristic movies where they travel back in time or those tv shows where people are living on flying saucer ship type things up in space. yeah writing about star trek makes me feel like a "trekie", as if i wasn't a big enough dork already. anyways back to the topic, i have always had this ragging dragon inside of me that wants to scale the walls of hell to drag down this one (*ahem* excuse me) "bitch" into the pits of fire... but in the last few months this dragon has been dorment and thankfully it hasn't made me into a fire breathing mythological creature; but i must tell you the events of the other day that made my inner dragon evolve into a dragonistic deamon ( oh yeah i just created a word, i know i know i'll trade mark it the second i get). anyways, so i was enjoying my nice day off, relaxing, watching tv, sleeping in...you know the whole shibang of a lazy day, so when my phone goes off during one of the most intense episodes of flavor of love i get irritated and look at the phone so see the inevitable name that i have been dreading. what did i do you may ask? well me being the idiot that i am, i answer the phone with my fake and sweet voice( the one i use on my bosses at work because they intimidate me) and this person ( who we will call bob- for security issues) and i have a conversation for about 5 seconds. as soon as i said bye i chuck the phone on my family room floor and i feel the dragon come alive! no more sugar and everything nice- my eyes turn red, i am blowing steam from my nose, and the feeling of hate and anger errupts from my stomach and i find myself wanting reek havoc ( seriously, thats how much i can't stand this person). anyways, as i meet up with bob ( because they want to hang out...pft please...i'm not one to be impressed by petty things) the whole 3 minutes i spend with them i can feel the dragon twist and turn inside of my stomach waiting for all hell to break lose. but because i'm not one to start drama, i hold my tongue and resort into a quiet mode where the whole time i'm think " what the hell get me away from here." so after the short period of time, when i return home i went into a frenzy.
so right about now, i wish i could flip bob the bird every chance i get.............
but i think that shutting them out of my life would be the better answer....for now.
so i must write this before i explode, or before my mind is spun into a crazy vortex... you know ones that you see in those futuristic movies where they travel back in time or those tv shows where people are living on flying saucer ship type things up in space. yeah writing about star trek makes me feel like a "trekie", as if i wasn't a big enough dork already. anyways back to the topic, i have always had this ragging dragon inside of me that wants to scale the walls of hell to drag down this one (*ahem* excuse me) "bitch" into the pits of fire... but in the last few months this dragon has been dorment and thankfully it hasn't made me into a fire breathing mythological creature; but i must tell you the events of the other day that made my inner dragon evolve into a dragonistic deamon ( oh yeah i just created a word, i know i know i'll trade mark it the second i get). anyways, so i was enjoying my nice day off, relaxing, watching tv, sleeping in...you know the whole shibang of a lazy day, so when my phone goes off during one of the most intense episodes of flavor of love i get irritated and look at the phone so see the inevitable name that i have been dreading. what did i do you may ask? well me being the idiot that i am, i answer the phone with my fake and sweet voice( the one i use on my bosses at work because they intimidate me) and this person ( who we will call bob- for security issues) and i have a conversation for about 5 seconds. as soon as i said bye i chuck the phone on my family room floor and i feel the dragon come alive! no more sugar and everything nice- my eyes turn red, i am blowing steam from my nose, and the feeling of hate and anger errupts from my stomach and i find myself wanting reek havoc ( seriously, thats how much i can't stand this person). anyways, as i meet up with bob ( because they want to hang out...pft please...i'm not one to be impressed by petty things) the whole 3 minutes i spend with them i can feel the dragon twist and turn inside of my stomach waiting for all hell to break lose. but because i'm not one to start drama, i hold my tongue and resort into a quiet mode where the whole time i'm think " what the hell get me away from here." so after the short period of time, when i return home i went into a frenzy.
so right about now, i wish i could flip bob the bird every chance i get.............
but i think that shutting them out of my life would be the better answer....for now.
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why do i always have the need to psyche myself out?
Jul. 8th, 2008 | 07:07 pm
mood: scared
so i'm sitting here, contimplating my future... well mainly school and its college at that. i have always assured myself that when i go to college i will do my best to transfer to the school of my liking, but this dream just seems to be a hazy idea. i've built up my mind frame to believe that after 2 years at grossmont & an associates degree under my belt i could successfully transfer into a university (such as uc berkley, columbia, etc.) but now i second guess this. with college inching closer, i neglect this idea and shoot for a more negative thought. i keep thinking that i will be stuck in community college forever... or worse, i i'll drop out and never find myself going back to school. although i wasn't a shinning star in high school, learning and the idea of school has been something i've treasured for a long time. i guess as a a little girl i was beat to the skull with the idea that knowledge is an important way to define yourself . the more knowledgeable you are the more success and talent you have; or maybe because its part of the american dream to go to college and live out a successful life.
but i'll admit that isn't my only worry, when i registered for grossmont the other day i had just recieved a rude awakening. i've always known that i would major in journalism and minor in photography... but honestly this isn't the passion if ache for. sure journalism has always come naturally to me and writing as been my outlet on my darkest and lightest days, but is it what i want to do for the rest of my life? do i really want to focus all my attention on the drama of other lives? do i really want to focus the rest of my time on how the economy is slowly depleting? honestly, no... though the environment, the economy, and politics has always been a major interest of mine, with journalism i feel limited. sometimes i feel as if what you write is limited because of the constant oversight of millions of americans. thus i am left with second thoughts and a puzzled mind frame.
i just hope when i start school this fall i will discover what i want to do... so for now i am undecided.
but i'll admit that isn't my only worry, when i registered for grossmont the other day i had just recieved a rude awakening. i've always known that i would major in journalism and minor in photography... but honestly this isn't the passion if ache for. sure journalism has always come naturally to me and writing as been my outlet on my darkest and lightest days, but is it what i want to do for the rest of my life? do i really want to focus all my attention on the drama of other lives? do i really want to focus the rest of my time on how the economy is slowly depleting? honestly, no... though the environment, the economy, and politics has always been a major interest of mine, with journalism i feel limited. sometimes i feel as if what you write is limited because of the constant oversight of millions of americans. thus i am left with second thoughts and a puzzled mind frame.
i just hope when i start school this fall i will discover what i want to do... so for now i am undecided.
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fuck you
Jan. 23rd, 2008 | 09:27 pm
mood: annoyed
fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
i hope you read this, you insignificant cunt.
i dislike everything about you now-a-days.
i hope you read this, you insignificant cunt.
i dislike everything about you now-a-days.
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its over again
Jan. 1st, 2008 | 05:44 pm
mood: 
artistic
music: Mest: Jaded
Another cynical year gone. In 07 I've had my shares of ups and downs, backstabbing by friends, love, and people coming in and out of my life. I think this year, most of all, taught me more about life and more about myself than all the rest of the years. Now with 2008 rolling around I have 3 goals in mind to make before the year is up.
1st goal: graduate high school feeling as if all is well and that my 4 years spent at El Cajon Valley HS was years I will remember.
2nd: go to college and actually succeed in it. For instance, try to get A's and B's in every class I won't settle for anything less.
3rd: lose weight. plain and simple. I need to eat healthier and excercise more.
Anyways, on another note, Amanda is going home tomorrow. It makes me sad to think that we might not see each other for a long time again. But i'm going to try to make it out there. I kind of want to see VA again.
1st goal: graduate high school feeling as if all is well and that my 4 years spent at El Cajon Valley HS was years I will remember.
2nd: go to college and actually succeed in it. For instance, try to get A's and B's in every class I won't settle for anything less.
3rd: lose weight. plain and simple. I need to eat healthier and excercise more.
Anyways, on another note, Amanda is going home tomorrow. It makes me sad to think that we might not see each other for a long time again. But i'm going to try to make it out there. I kind of want to see VA again.
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happy endings gone forever more
Dec. 27th, 2007 | 11:17 pm
mood: 
sleepy
music: mika: happy ending
If i could, I would rip your heart out and sew it back in, thats how much I care.Words could not describe how I feel as if I'm slipping away from it all.I think sleep is in order.
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i might as well
Dec. 26th, 2007 | 11:48 am
mood: cheerful
music: the killers: mr. brightside
Well, to say the least Winter Break has been extremely intense. Amanda and Erin came down from VA and I haven't seen them in 3 years, but honestly it feels like 8th grade all over again. You would think with 3 years in the way things would be different, but instead its the exact same. It feels like yesterday that Lindsay and I would go over to Amanda's house everyday just to hang out. I'm glad that they're still in my life, I don't know where the hell I'd be without them.
Anyways, aside from that, Christmas was a blast yesterday. I am Legend was amazing, and the presents I got put the biggest smile on my face.
with love.
Anyways, aside from that, Christmas was a blast yesterday. I am Legend was amazing, and the presents I got put the biggest smile on my face.
with love.
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and im high enough from all the waiting
Dec. 19th, 2007 | 06:24 pm
mood: restless
music: frou frou: breathe in
Okay, so its official I SUCK! Why do I always find then need to psych myself out when its not necessary.I swear, my mind has the need to process these negative thoughts to fuck with my head even more than it already is.Thank god winter recess is coming up, because I'm in a desperate need for a vacation; especially a vacation away from some people.
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A quote for thought
Dec. 16th, 2007 | 07:06 pm
mood: cheerful
music: the shins: turn on me
"promise yourself to be strong so that nothing can disturb your piece of mind. Look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true. Think only the best, work only for the best,and except only the best. Forget the mistakes of the past and press onto the great achievements of the future.Give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.Live in the faith that is the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you!" - Christian D. Laroon.
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Its all a circle
Dec. 16th, 2007 | 06:09 pm
mood: stressed
music: snow patrol: signal fire
I hate this feeling, this feeling of knowing that you are constantly pushing people away. I'm just to stressed out, last week I can't tell you how many times I ignored someone because of how stressed out I was. I think I take it upon myself to push myself even more than I already have.I'm to young to feel this, and frankly I want to live. I'm glad that next term I will have classes that serve a better purpose to me.I'm done with my credits, I'm done with most of my requirements,I'm graduating and getting the hell out of there. I kick starting my life, enough said.